I have a history of eating disorders. Currently, I’m struggling with orthorexia… and I can’t tell if the Primal lifestyle is making it worse or better. Honestly, I just want to feel good and energized… I really don’t give a shit about how I look. I just want to be healthy and fit. I want to optimize my health so I can be the best that I can be. I work on ski patrol through the winter, so my days are long, strenuous, and cold… And food is a real problem. I’ve tried therapy, doesn’t work for me – So I turn to reddit for help.
Basically, I don’t eat enough. Tracking my calories, I’m only getting 1,600-1,800kcals a day – there’s no way that’s enough, especially considering my day to day expenditures. As a result, I binge. It’s been worse in the past, but it happens on a weekly basis now. I fixate on meal time – three meals a day, spaced 4-5 hours apart, within a 10-12 hour eating window. Every time I break from this schedule, I binge. Or I feel like I somehow failed or broke from my high fat, low carb, no processed lifestyle.
I eat basically the same things every day and I’m growing more and more anxious about breaking from that list of “approved” or “clean” foods. I’m hungry often, but only when I’m not busy or distracted – when I’m alone, I binge. When I’m busy, I don’t. And honestly, I don’t feel hungry when I’m busy, so obviously there’s an emotional factor at play that just adds fuel to the fire. I should also add that I have no problems with gluten or grain or dairy – my very recent ancestors hail from northwestern Europe and Great Britain, and grain was a major part of their lifestyle. But after researching the subject, I feel that the evidence against grain is pretty substantial, making it worth the cut. I often crave pizza and bread and cookies. Even so, I have not broken from the no-grain rule I’ve set for myself, even in binges. Binges usually consist of nuts, nut butters, dark chocolate, full fat cheese, mayo, and salami – and even looking at my binges, I’m only totaling out calorie-wise at 3,000-4,000kcals for the day, which is much closer to what I need for what I’m doing in my day. Logically, my binges are probably the only thing keeping me fueled. But the emotional impacts of stuffing 2,500+kcals in my face at once and waking up bloated and uncomfortable make it unsustainable.
I know that the answer is eating more and being more diverse in my food choices – but for whatever reason, I’m fixated on the idea that breaking from high fat, low carb, no processed food even once is going to fuck over my health overall. Has anyone dealt with a similar issue…? And does anyone have any ideas for how to deal with this? Basic steps? I feel like I’m on the verge of breaking through, because I understand what is happening to me. And I understand what the fix is. But I have no idea how to get there. Any comments or advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks, and sorry for the diatribe.